I live in a somewhat affluent suburban neighborhood. My house is the biggest floorplan in this master-planned community. We have newer cars in the driveway. Our children wear $70 skate shoes and want for nothing. I work from home, barbeque on the weekends and just learned how to use a sewing machine. He pulls weeds, taught the youngest boy to ride a bike and is the breadwinner and king of our household. We’re about as normal as it gets don’t you think?

So imagine my surprise when I found out that one of the mothers on our block started taking her kids to the bus-stop 3 blocks over rather than have them wait with my children. With me? Since the day we moved into this neighborhood it seems that the other parents have gone out of their way to make us feel unwelcome and I’m grasping at straws to figure out what terrible atrocity we’ve committed to deserve such stonewall treatment. Did I offend them because I don’t have the rear of a woman whose had a few children? Does it bother them that my children speak their mind? Do they have such a hard time accepting “strangers” in their little cookie-cutter paradise that they’d rather just run away? I want to know what conditioning this species of suburban housewife has undergone to make them so skiddish and reclusive. And since I’m not willing to change bus-stops just to talk to the other mothers, I’ve decided to share a few general tips on how to welcome a new neighbor into your community.

1. Introduce yourself. Yes you, the woman who has a child in the same kindergarten class as mine. The woman I’ve seen every morning for 4 months now as you sit in your car at the bus-stop and never get out. It’s ok… I won’t bite.
2. Stop by just to chat. Again, there will be no biting. I saw the Nascar posters in your garage. I love racing. It’s a conversation starter.
3. When I ask how’s it going, I really want to know how it’s going. “Fine” isn’t a real answer. Tell me you had a great weekend. Tell me your baby won’t stop crying. Tell me you’ve got family visiting. Fluff conversations suck and they do nothing but waste breath.
4. Live a little… schedule a playdate.
5. Ask for advice. Offer advice. You’ve lived here a while and I just barely found the grocery store. Find a reason to be helpful.

And no matter what, don’t ostracize the new neighbors. You never know if they’ll be the only one home when you’re banging on doors looking for refuge in a zombie attack!