Until recently I have been a corporate schmuck spending the majority of my waking hours in a sea of cubicles wondering how many ways I could kill myself on the job without alarming anyone. I hated my run-of-the-mill tech support job and couldn’t wait for the day I could pack up my desk, stapler and all, and tell my boss to kiss off. My first few weeks of work-from-home bliss were everything I dreamed they would be… hours of leisurely writing at my own pace. Being creative. Spending time with my kids. But then I started noticing some things I never considered all those years I was planning this transition.

1. My car has become a safe haven for spiders to weave their beautiful webs of silk. This is because I have now completely lost my car keys somewhere in the house. They probably ran away due to feelings of restlessness and neglect. Poor car.
2. I have begun talking to store clerks. Even when they do not initiate conversation. Yes… I am THAT lady who holds up the line to ask a perfect stranger what they have planned for the coming holiday weekend. It’s ok… you can sneer at me. I deserve it.
3. I am quickly losing the ability to drive like an intelligent person. Every time I leave the house it has become an adventure in exploration. A welcome bit of sunshine. I get lost wondering when that store opened, and what’s on the radio, and the overall joy of sitting anywhere other than my home office chair.
4. Complete loss of the social skills. While limited to conversations with 5 year olds and grocery store clerks, my more intelligent brain cells have now gone completely dormant. I am slowly developing a stutter and am unable to speak with adults for more than 5 minutes without inevitably tripping over my own tongue.
5. I have however gained the ability to communicate with animals. My dog and I have endless conversations covering everything from what to do for lunch, to how hot the new neighbor’s pekanese puppy is with her cute little perfectly groomed fur and rhinestone collar.

I’m sure these things will pass but for now, for the love of all that is nerdy, comment to me with something to keep my brain stimulated before I become a complete vegetable!

Confession time… I am a parrot-head. I can often be found fantasizing about leaving everything behind, getting a small houseboat and sailing the coast of Mexico selling tacos to tourists and soaking in the sun. Maybe that’s what retirement looks like for me. Lord knows Jimmy Buffett make it look easy. Anyhow, when I heard they were opening up a Margaritaville location here in Glendale, Arizona to go with our new fancy stadiums I got excited. I had been to the Margaritaville location in Orlando and LOVED it. The atmosphere was fun and relaxed. The food was phenomenal. The service was perfect. My best friend had the same experience in Vegas so of course when one opened up just miles from my home I was ecstatic! After a lot of missed dates and great anticipation, we finally got together for lunch at the Glendale Margaritaville on a beautiful sunny Sunday morning.

It was tragic.. like watching your favorite dessert fall on the floor. Our bloody mary’s were mildly flavored tomato juice. Our service was slow and inattentive. Our food was mediocre at best. And to make it worse, they had some kind of loud horn that would go off every 15 minutes or so causing the baby at the next table to scream incessantly. I can understand if that horn added to the nightlife party atmosphere during their peak periods, but you would think on a Sunday morning when the weather is beautiful and the patio filled with quiet conversations and playful families that they would have the sense to turn the damned thing off. All in all my best friend summed up the visit as follows: “Trendy, cookie cutter, corporate atmosphere. High priced food that wasn’t worth it.”

Jimmy… you let this pirate down.